Recently I was shopping for groceries when an elderly gentleman stopped me in the cereal aisle. "Who are you hiding from?" he inquired from behind his pale blue face mask. I wanted to reply "I could ask you the same thing," but I refrained understanding that he was likely protecting himself from getting sick.
Still, I didn't know if he was flirting with me or mistaking me for someone he knew when suddenly I looked down and realized I was wearing a camouflage-printed maxi dress. We both had a good chuckle and went our separate ways.
The next day, I stepped outside to see a friend approach from across the street. She greeted me with "who are you hiding from?" I tilted my head at her quizzically and she said that I looked to be incognito wearing sunglasses and a visor.
Honestly I was just shielding my eyes from the sun, but being the deep thinker that I am, the one who sees meaning behind the meaning, I couldn't help but wonder if indeed I was hiding in plain sight.
While I do love my camo-printed maxi dress for its chic aesthetic, I really like that this dress covers most of the weight I've gained this year. (As an aside, if you haven't read my recent post, Body Talks, you can read it here.) Twenty years ago, I probably would have worn a more flattering dress, something that showed off my curves...or would I? Come to think of it, I've always been ashamed of my body. I particularly like the camo dress because it strategically hides the sins I haven't yet forgiven.
I also love my prescription sunglasses. They allow me to take a walk or a drive while protecting my eyes from the UV rays of the sun. Sporting my shades, I can be not wearing a stitch of makeup and still feel attractive. Everyone looks great in sunglasses. Mysterious, stylish, but also, unapproachable. If I don't want to make eye contact with anyone, sunglasses are my go-to fashion accessory. While I may tell you that I'm preventing my low-grade cataracts from advancing, that's not the whole truth.
At this time in my life, what am I so afraid of? Who or what am I hiding from? Why don't I want you to see the real me?
In my lifelong quest to live an authentic life, these questions have recently stepped out of hiding like a couple of buffed up bouncers who won't let me in the door until I utter the secret phrase. Or in this case, truthfully answer those three questions. Truthfully.
I can't help but liken this moment to the current eclipse season. On September 17th, we experienced a partial lunar eclipse when the light of the Full Moon in Pisces was partly eclipsed by the Virgo Sun. You knew the moon was there, but part of it appeared to be hiding. Similarly, I know the truth is there, but maybe I'm hiding from it.
Today we will experience a New Moon and Annular Solar eclipse where the New Moon in Libra will cast a shadow on the Earth temporarily blocking the Libra Sun. This eclipse will not be visible to the US, but in South America and other parts of the world, one will see the annular eclipse or "ring of fire." (Cue Johnny Cash!)
Fun fact: Because the Moon is so far away from the Earth, it cannot fully cover the light of the Sun so what you see is the ring of fire.
In astrology, eclipses often mark an ending, a wrapping up of something, closure. Also in this case, because we have a New Moon, we can also plant a seed. Begin anew. When one door closes, you can open another. This eclipse is asking what have you outgrown? What are you releasing? What are you starting now?
During an eclipse, the light is obscured. Some things are hidden. Shadows are revealed.
I've been focusing on my creativity lately. Perhaps, like an eclipse, I have been hesitant to shine my light. What will people think if I step out of the shadows? What if no one likes my writing? What if people think my art is lame? And also...what if they don't? Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. With both come responsibility. Maybe I don't want the responsibility that comes with putting myself out there. If I stay small or invisible, I can't get hurt is something we may not say out loud, but we may feel this.
You may ask why can't I write or make art just for the fun of it. Believe me, I've wondered the same thing for my entire life. Another question to ponder, another mystery to solve.
As usual, I look to astrology for some answers or at least some explanations as to why I think the way I think and do the things I do. My natal chart finds my artistic Libra Sun buried deep in the 8th house. My teacher, Heidi Rose Robbins, has said that an intercepted Sun has the task of trying to shine a little brighter. That means, I have to work harder to shine my light, make myself seen.
My hidden Libra Sun is furthermore squared by Saturn in Capricorn in the 12th house. Saturn is the rule maker, the teacher, the boundary setter. When Saturn cautions, "Don't shine too bright," my Libra Sun obeys.
In an astrology chart, the 4th house, 8th house and 12th house are considered more private domains...where life happens out of sight. The 4th House represents your home and family. The 8th house has been likened to the dungeon in the castle and the 12th house to an asylum. Lest I scurry down this rabbit hole, I will also say the 8th house is the bedroom and the 12th, a darkroom or studio where I do tend to hide away to be creative sometimes.
Ultimately, the challenge for me will always be to reveal a little more of my creative self through writing or art. Regardless of skill, writing more regularly in this blog and practicing and sharing my art are ways I can begin to allow more light to shine through. After all, what good does it do to keep our treasures hidden away? It's high time we use the fine china, wear the good jewelry, share our joy with others. I believe this world will look brighter for doing so.
Diane, Loved this. Always so happy when your substack arrives in my in box.